 |
There are times when God is on the side of the advertisers, as I discovered recently when my fingers took me wandering the websites.
I came to an abrupt halt at the AP Valves site which displayed, under the title "Buddy Gear is Bomb Proof - it's Official", an amazing letter from Neil Richmond, the diving officer of the Darlington Dolphin branch of the BSAC.
It was, I am told, unsolicited, and those in the Buddy empire are inclined to believe that it came to them like manna from heaven.
Neil tells of how two divers joined one of his club's trips to fill spaces on the boat, and "lifted a lump of phosphorus about the size of half a building brick in the pocket of a Buddy Commando". This, he said, spoke volumes in itself, "as many other jackets out there would not be able to accommodate such a large item"!
The lump of phosphorus was, it seems, left in the BC for about half an hour, during which time it started to dry out and eventually ignited. "It took approx 30 seconds for me to untie the rig and dump it overboard," explains Neil.
While he was doing this, however, the block broke open and exploded, showering the deck - and him - with lumps of burning material.
"Several items were damaged or destroyed, including my undersuit and drysuit, which both had large holes burned through them in the few seconds it took me to get over the side myself." Some heavy-duty rubberised canvas lift bags were also perforated.
Neil marvels at the fact that his rig not only remained afloat for several minutes but suffered only minor cosmetic effects from the burns. "The outer bag is slightly bleached in places but the integrity of the inner bladder was not compromised," he says. "This incident has only served to strengthen my resolve to use your products solely for our club kit and as primary recommendation when ever anyone asks about kit."
It seems a shame, don't you think, that we cannot commend our gallant diving officer in such glowing terms for allowing those two idiots to join his dive. They would have to be wreck-diving novices to pick up phosphorus and stuff it in the pocket of a BC (however temptingly large the pocket might be).
We can, however, fine him five crisp crunchies for the Diver Lifeboat Fund, so that he will perhaps remember to give better pre-dive briefings - including the dangers of bringing up phosphorus - to all divers on his wreck dives in future. To me, before things get too hot to handle.
My Leaks cover the whole world. That goes without saying. So let me pass on to you a message from my veteran Cape Leak in South Africa.
He tells me in very bitter tones that he has been forced from his daily bathing site by a 5m great white shark that cruises past every day only a few metres from the "men's changing booth".
But it is not the shark that drove him from the sea. It was the water-quality statistics just revealed for his beach, which show that it is the pollution pouring out there from nasty human habits that is attracting the big sharks in. This is a fact that seems to have been concealed until now from local bathers.
In the same bitter tones, he tells me that any Britons who fancy abalone should buy a stock of tins while they can. South Africa is considering a total ban on the diving fishery for this delicious shellfish, as poaching teams of thousands of divers are working for the Chinese market and are destroying the licensed industry.
Entire coastal villages are involved and special courts deal with nothing else but cases of perlemoen poaching, which apparently accounts for 80% of all crime in the area.
My South African Leak remarks oddly that it reminds him of scallop-fishing by divers in GB. What on earth can he mean?
Calshot lifeboatmen have been telling Beachcomber of a recent call-out. The name of the boat in distress made them think that it was "those divers again", but this time I was able to reassure them that "those divers" were completely innocent. And, anyway, no diver would ever call his or her boat by a name like that.
The name of the boat? Fat Diva. Now can you imagine any even slightly fat diver - and diving has a few plump ones - ever drawing attention to their physical condition by naming their boat after their physique?
Mind you, dive boats have had some peculiar names. Send me the best of the worst diveboat names you have come across (printable of course) and I will try to restore all lifeboatmen's faith in "those divers" by giving a crisp crunchie to the Lifeboat Fund for each one I print.
Remember that this contest is not over until the Fat Diver sings!
While on the subject of dive boats and boats for diving, I see that another contest of great interest to divers is being fought out in the warm waters of the United States and thereabouts. It is to win the title of the man who intentionally sank the world's largest ship for divers.
The record at the moment is held by the 510ft former US Navy transport ship Spiegel Grove, sunk as an artificial reef off Key Largo. That sinking is said to have cost more than $1 million.
It didn't go according to plan, as she landed upside down with her bow 50ft above the water, but salvage crews using air-bags and tugs turned her over and she is now on her side on the bottom in a diveable 40m.
Waiting to snatch that record is the US Air Force's General Hoyt S Vandenberg - just 3m longer than the Spiegel Grove, but twice the tonnage. The problem for Joe Weatherby, who plans to sink her off Key West and claim the record, is the price.
Cleaning and scuttling will cost $2.5 million. He has already raised a quarter of a million by selling portholes and other souvenirs from her, and everyone who gives money gets a plaque with his or her name fixed to her.
He is now looking for a really big sponsor to have its company logo all along her side, and put the company's name to the artificial reef that the ship will become.
Company bosses had better hurry. Beachcomber hears that the US Navy has another 358 ships of which to dispose in the next 20 years, and that's a lot of company names to spread over the bottom.
We're pretty slow in the artificial reef business in Britain. Plymouth shows the only sign of possible ship-sinking at the moment, but we may catch up in the end. Then we'll all be diving the Tesco, Shell and Vodafone Reefs, and putting second dives in on Abbey Reef, or Abbey National Reef, as we may have to learn to call it.
|
