 |
Surprisingly, despite tanks at Heathrow, deadly poisons in every envelope, and massive marches in London's slightly congested areas, the wild rumour mill has been grinding exceeding small.
Tall stories about terror and terrorists in Britain seem to have been few and far between.
Yet there are tales currently going the rounds of scuba circles which persist despite reports from nearly all my Leaks that they don't stand up to any reasonable examination.
Have you heard the one about terrorists training to be scuba-divers in order to plant bombs? Have you heard that members of Al-Qaeda are joining diving clubs to find out how to use diving gear?
Have you heard that the Special Branch or the Anti-Terrorist Squad are asking diving organisations for lists of names and addresses of new members and of those who have qualified in the past year?
Have you heard that British dive shops are being asked for names of people buying the more expensive items of dive gear, particularly rebreathers and diver scooters?
Well you may have heard something like that, but has your club or dive shop actually been approached by the authorities?
My Leaks say that the answer to that one is a very firm no.
They believe that this terror tale originated in the USA where, after the 11 September attack, it is true that the FBI issued an alert that "recent information has determined that various terrorist elements have sought to develop an offensive scuba-diver capability".
FBI agents did check dive shops and collected lists of divers who had been certified in the past few years.
They were particularly interested in students who might have begun a course and then dropped out before earning a certification card.
As far as we know, nothing ever came of this line of enquiry in the States. But in Britain the tale of the diver-terrorists still survives.
It is probably complete rubbish. Mind you, if you do discover someone acting suspiciously in and around your club (that is, more suspiciously than your members normally behave) you might still consider telling the police.
Just to be on the safe side...
We are off on a slow start to my contest to find the worst dive-boat names, following a story about a call-out by Calshot lifeboatmen. The name of the boat in distress made them sure that they would find it was "those divers again". In fact, it wasn't.
The name of the boat was Fat Diva. I said, rightly I'm sure, that no diver would ever confess on the bow of his or her boat to being fat, and asked you to send in the worst dive-boat names you have seen. I offered to give a crisp crunchie to the Lifeboat Fund for each one printed.
In the slow start so far, the worst are Black Pig and Dun Deeper. Neither are very inspiring or bad, but printing them does mean that another £20 goes from me to the Lifeboat Fund. I know you can do much better. To me at a rate of knots.
There is much excitement in exalted diving circles about the British Sub-Aqua Club's Golden Jubilee Dinner-Dance, to be held at London's Waldorf Hotel in November.
The Waldorf was chosen, of course, not for its multi-million pound refurbishment due this spring and summer, but because this is where the BSAC was formed 50 years ago.
My Very Top Table Leak tells me that tickets, despite their high price, are going like the clappers and are nearly sold out. That in itself, says my informant, has brought some slight discord.
Upset by accusations in the past of free-loading by councillors at club functions, the present retainers voted almost unanimously for there to be no "freebie" tickets this time for anyone, no matter how high and mighty they might be.
When this very commendable result was announced, one aged veteran of the top table, his face red as port with fury, his voice strangled with financial shock, declared that in that case he would not be going to the Grand Affair Waldorf. However, those VIPs who know their man are betting that he will go; his wife will take him.
But this is not the only scandalous news that my Very Top Leak brings me about those tickets. Another aged veteran bought a pair using his credit card. When he looked at his receipt he saw that his card had been debited by a finger slip of the organisers with a mere £1.70 instead of £170.
To this day the artful dodger has kept quiet about this error, reckoning to have a most splendidly cheap night out.
He will not be smiling for much longer. Beachcomber finds such deceit repulsive and will shortly name this scoundrel to the powers-that-be. Meanwhile, to add to the Artful Dodger's fine head of grey hair, before he confesses and asks to be billed for the correct amount, I will require from him three crisp crunchies for the Lifeboat Fund to make the cost of his evening up to a nice round sum.
To me swiftly, before all the Jubilee dinner tickets are sold out.
One of my Leaks has let me down. This is such a rare occurrence that I am finding it difficult to tap the keys and stem my tears at the same time.
As a result of my Leak's transgression, it seems I fell into error in a story about events out in Plymouth Sound last summer. My apologies to anyone maligned who shouldn't have been .
I have been sent a cheque for two crisp crunchies for the Diver Lifeboat Fund with the instruction that I am not to cash it unless I am prepared to match it with a similar contribution of my own. It came from the Hellfins Sub-Aqua Club, members of which deny my story from that former Plymouth Leak that their club was involved in an incident concerning a missing propeller and a promise to pay Beachcomber a contribution towards the Diver Lifeboat Fund.
The chairman of Hellfins of London writes to say that the dive was organised by a different club and that the dive marshal responsible had nothing to do with Hellfins. So their cheque has been cashed and another two crisp crunchies of mine are on their way to the RNLI with the generous Hellfins donation. Need I add that the Plymouth Leak concerned has been made redundant?
Only one thing puzzles me about the whole affair. Which club lost its propeller and originally promised to pay me? A more reliable Leak has mentioned two branch names. One concerns a sea eagle, and the other a park with lots of bushes. Does that ring any bells?
|
