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Those real divers who are Beachcomber's most devoted readers will remember that I reported a good deal of shotline misbehaviour in this column last year.
Sadly, I have to tell you that this year is not looking much better. Divers never use another boat's shot unless invited to do so, but hooligans don't hesitate.
Examples of this misbehaviour appeared in my Leaks' reports of the Easter start to the season - yes, I know that real divers dive the year round but, be fair, there are good divers among those who keep to an Easter start.
Worst example concerns a dive-boat with a shotline down to a well-known Welsh coast wreck. Without so much as a by-your-leave, a very big RIB with a big wake not only moors up to the shot, but all aboard head down using it, forcing the rightful ascending divers off it. Chief pushy offender was a woman - not a lady - clad in shocking pink with clashing blue fins.
From her I expect to receive two crisp cracklies for the Diver Lifeboat Fund, and a crisp crackly from each of those on the RIB who followed her down.
One of the miscreants somewhat foolishly told my Leak the club's name and the name of their Boadicea-like leader. To save me having to name those names, you won't keep me waiting, Maeve, now will you?
Beachcomber's report on John Prescott's plans to dive HMS Scylla off Plymouth has raised more questions to add to those that always hang around our Deputy Prime Minister.
But it seems that Andrew Roberts, diving inspection and supervisor consultant of Brundell, Norwich, found part of the answer years ago to the question divers always ask about the DPM - is he really a diver, and what are his qualifications?
Roberts tells me that, after a heated discussion about John Prescott's commercial diving qualifications on a diving vessel of which Roberts was diving superintendent,he wrote to the then Deputy Leader of the Opposition to ask if he had completed a commercial diving course.
The reply read as follows: "Thank you for your letter of 15 August 1996 enquiring as to whether I have completed a commercial diving course from years ago. When I first undertook the diving legislation, I was challenged by Americans as to whether I knew anything about diving.
"Two companies assisted to train me to the depth of 200 feet. One who I think was called Comex (a French company) which had a British derivative, and the other company called Sub Oil Sea Services (an Italian company).
"They taught me how to dive to 200 feet using various equipment. That is my qualification for deep-sea diving. It would not be sufficient to do the kind of diving they do today, but I was grateful to receive it. I continue with a fascination in underwater development".
John Prescott's own, eloquent words about his diving qualifications, but they don't answer the questions that have poured in following my revelations about his proposed dive on Scylla - does he hold any sport-diving qualifications, and who trained him?
Will PADI or BSAC accept a crossover from Comex or Sub Oil Sea Services to give him an open water qualification?
Goodness, it must be 15 years since Beachcomber last saw a speargun on a dive boat! As I recall, it was in the hands of a very high-flyer in diving circles, who had put it in his dive bag and seemed amazed at the reaction when he pulled it out.
Scowls appeared on every face among the other divers. The chief scowler added words: "What do you think you're going to do with that? Not from this boat with us, you ain't!"
The dive-boat skipper jerked the gun away and clearly considered chucking it overboard before settling on putting it in his cubby-hole, saying that it might be returned when they docked after the diving. It was a dramatic demonstration of how far divers had moved against spearfishing.
I remember that moment every time I see the word "speargun", which is not often, because I thought they had become a rarity in today's diving world.
It seems I am wrong. Dorset police are investigating the theft of three spearguns from a break-in on their patch, and are telling everyone how dangerous the guns are and that they should not be used as toys. Well, amen to that.
I find it surprising that spearguns should be on show today in Dorset's diving country, but anyone who has an idea of who might play with such nasty things is asked to contact the Dorset police.
Of course, those who think it might be the League Against Cruel Sports warming up for their attack on rod-and-line fishing in general should go further and speak direct to New Scotland Yard.
Beachcomber is delighted to report that he has been given the title of Honorary Doctor of the Diving Beauticians Association, to squeeze among the award certificates that already conceal the wallpaper in his consulting room.
Dr Beachcomber, as I shall now style myself, received this honour from a US medical source which deals with cosmetic surgery for divers.
It recognises the noble work he did in last month's DIVER in drawing women divers' attention to the consequences of diving too soon and too deep after Botox injections to cure them of wrinkles.
I never considered women divers as vain. No woman who worries about what she looks like after diving would ever go out in a dive boat. Or would take up diving in the first place. But vain women divers most certainly are.
The proof of that is the extreme interest last month's column stirred up, and the demands for more information about cosmetic surgery for divers. All questions have one thing in common - a demand for absolute secrecy about the writer's identity.
Dr Beachcomber will therefore be replying to these queries only in his column. Next month, he will be offering advice to women divers about increasing their cup size, and how long to stay out of the water afterwards. Some buoyancy adjustment may be necessary.
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