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On our first night in Sharm el Sheikh, we hadn't expected the "Snoopy Disco" - a lone and very scary-looking Russian woman strutting her stuff in front of a handful of bewildered guests. We were in one of the characterless hotels that have recently sprung up in this part of Egypt, and this
Waves of Hiltons, Radissons, and lesser-known all-inclusive "Maxi Palaces" are changing the face of what was, only a few ago, one of the most happening places in the Red Sea.
Fortunately, we escaped from our Maxi Palace and found a room in Na'ama Bay, a Middle Eastern mini Las Vegas and the location of choice, every week, for thousands of package-holiday tourists. It has also become the playground for many of the world's most influential people, including Britain's Prime Minister.
We had a week to discover what exists beyond the dive boat - where to find the best places to go, eat, drink and party. To help us along, we consulted a panel of Sharm's veteran divemasters, and, just to make the week realistic, we also went diving.
The first day in any resort is often a time to relax and get over the journey. But we had no time to waste, so following our check-out dive we set off for a snorkel adventure over the reef at Ras Umm Sid, by the Renaissance Hotel.
By purchasing a day pass at the hotel's reception we were able to use all its facilities, the pool (stunning view) the sunbathing area (perched on top of a small cliff by the sea - perfect) and the floating pontoon to the reef drop-off.
On the pontoon we met Brian, James, Paul and Lisa from the south of England. They'd been mulling over the idea of snorkelling and, after a bit of prompting, rented some gear and joined us. After 30 minutes of floating over "some brilliant blue and orange fish", they delivered their verdict: "Fantastic, a few months ago we were in St Lucia but this was much better."
As we left Brian and his family, they asked where else would be good for snorkelling. We recommended every diver's hotspot at the Ras Mohammed National Park, only reached by road instead of boat. The high point of this trip is the snorkelling off Yolanda Beach -a short fin and you're over the drop-off at one of the most popular dive sites in the Marine Park.
If the flurry of fish and the excitement of seeing divers disappear into the clear blue water below fails to enthuse children or a non-diving partner to start diving, nothing will.
But don't expect this to be a tranquil idyll. We shared our experience with 19 dive boats and more than 50 reef-stomping snorkellers. Conservation didn't appear to be at the forefront of their minds, but it may have been if they had stopped by the park's visitor centre. It's a bit out of the way, and low on many of the tour guides' itineraries - unfortunate, as it shows an excellent short film about preserving the reefs.
Other than this, the centre is hardly worth a visit. If you're really unlucky, the curator will treat you to the humiliation of having to pose with a variety of stuffed, dried and very dead-looking creatures.
But at least there is a centre, and it's moving vaguely in the right direction.
If you still can't bear to leave the water, you might be in need of the Aquatic Vibes Water Sports centre at Terrazina Beach, Sharm El Moya Bay, where Nader offers expert tuition in wakeboarding, a cross between water-skiing and skateboarding.
On the beach Nader demonstrated what wakeboarding is about on his simulator - I had a feeling that the real thing might be a bit more difficult, and it was. Despite a few spills, the real thrill came from getting up, even if only for a few seconds. Nader is passionate about his sport and reckons he can get most beginners up in two lessons.
As well as wakeboarding, the centre also offers water-skiing, knee-boarding and the chance to be towed behind a boat on various inflatables.
Relaxing on Terrazina Beach, Nader told us he'd left his life in America, where he had been a keen snowboarder, for Egypt. After running a liveaboard he got into wakeboarding because "there's not enough snow around here".
To a background of chilled-out music, good seafood, cold beers and the sweet smell of shisha (water-pipe), it became clear why Nader had put his world on hold to wakeboard his life away.
Sharm's non-diving activities don't involve only watersports. If you're tempted to head inland, it offers a multitude of activities - you can
"experience desert warfare" in a paintball war; throw yourself into the sky on a bungee rocket; quad bike across the desert; or race powerful go-karts or go horse-riding.
I called several travel insurers to find out if I would be covered for these activities. All agreed to cover the horse-riding, but only one said it would cover all of them as part of its standard package. Some would not cover the bungee rocket and quad bikes at all, while others would require a premium.
That broken limb may never happen, but if it does you need to be properly insured, or it will cost you financially as well as physically.
We liked the idea of a romantic two-hour sunset desert / beach horse-ride, and were told that lack of experience was no problem. At the Edelweiss Equestrian Centre in the grounds of the Concorde El Salam Hotel, we were introduced to our horses, Haptitude and Cinderella, and led onto a strip of sand between the main road and the airport runway.
The Highway Code is different in Egypt. It goes along the lines of: "When you see horses ahead of you, sound your horn repeatedly until the horse tries to throw its rider off." Our handlers were excellent at calming the horses, but Cinderella was also scared of planes. Every time one took off or landed, she twitched in a "the planes will go away if I throw this person off" way.
Haptitude or, as I called him, Attitude, would lag behind for minutes and then, as if bothered at losing ground, go into a canter or gallop. Occasionally he required lots of pulling on reins and cries of "Whoaa!" as he outran the handler.
After 45 minutes, we crossed the road onto a patch of land containing piles of building rubble and waste. What was once desert leading to the beach was now a reminder of the price the area is paying for development. National parks are needed more than ever, as Egypt tries to strike the right balance.
The beach was not so much beach as building site meets water. At least the sun provided a romantic backdrop as it set against the Straits of Tiran.
Returning the way we had come, Attitude was still doing the stop-start thing and my wife decided to walk the last mile. The dark and the aircraft noise was making Cinderella freak out with unsettling regularity.
Horse-riding had been an adventure, but not quite all the adverts boast.
On the dive-boat the next day we met Simon, Louise and their seven-year-old son, Oliver. They described their meet-and-greet session with their holiday rep: "A young girl who seemed unfamiliar with the area and was keen to sell us excursions to Cairo and the Pyramids." Some of these trips involved an overnight stop and cost up to $300 per person.
Pushing expensive overnight trips is common practice. "They're full of commission", as the divemasters told us. Simon and Louise felt they needed to balance the days out as they were in Sharm only for a week.
They also said that the rep was poor at recommending places to go in the evening (a sentiment shared by several other visitors we met) and, importantly, where to go for ice-cream.
The guidebooks advise you to steer well clear, but the divemasters assured us that the ice- cream can be fine - you just have to know where to go. So our next mission was to experience a day trip, discover the best places for ice-cream and start our search for Sharm's best night-spots.
We opted for a trip to St Catherine's Monastery, a two-to-three hour drive.
It was immediately clear that most other vehicles on the road were in the same race as our driver. The speed limit means nothing, they all overtook on blind bends and drove so close to the vehicle in front that you could see the whites of the passengers' knuckles as they clung to the handrails.
We saw a few vehicles stopping to allow passengers to be sick. There's a simple solution to slow down your own Shumacher - shout "Shwaya, Shwaya" (slow, slow) and indicate that you're about to throw up on his upholstery. It worked for us, and could live with being 10 minutes late at the monastery.
You're highly likely to be among several hundred people all queuing to visit the church inside the monastery, which is a special and peaceful place, despite the priest's little helpers' calls of "Avanti! Avanti! Faster! Faster!"
The museum is worth a visit as it's air-conditioned, full of fascinating artefacts and peaceful.
Once you have left the walls of the monastery, make for the hill opposite the entrance, where there is an excellent view and cooler air.
Back in time for afternoon ice-cream, we were joined by Sharm's resident expert Clare from the Camel Dive Club and Hotel. First stop was Café Espresso Italiano at the Na'ama Centre.
Try the Nocciolosa, Bacio or Fior Di Latte, all gorgeous and just what you need after a hot day in the desert.
Further along the bay is the Seagull restaurant in the grounds of the Mšvenpick Jolie Ville - ideal for an end-of-holiday treat. Highly recommended are the Denmark, a fine marriage of vanilla and chocolate, the Crme Brule Sundae and the heat- quashing Chocolate Frappe.
Surrounded by a fragrant oleander garden, this is the perfect setting.
That night we ate with our panel of divemasters at the Pomodoro Italian restaurant on the main promenade, popular for pre-dinner strolls. As so many people were out, we asked about the levels of touting by locals. People had described getting from the hotel to a restaurant as "running the gauntlet".
"I've heard about how you should tell the touts you're from Finland, as they haven't mastered this language," explained one of the panel.
"But there really isn't any need, they're not nearly as bad as they used to be. A simple smile and a 'no thank you' usually does the trick." Another of the panel added: "As long as you play the game and haggle, you can end up with a good price for something you would have paid for anyway." By the end of the week we were in broad agreement.
The Pomodoro is a great meeting place and good for people-watching. The food was magnificent. You can't go wrong with an Americano Hot pizza (crisp and laden with spicy salami), the juicy steaks and, for the really hungry, the roasted garlic chicken.
The following night we were interested in finding the best local food, and our panel recommended a small cafe "where the Egyptian staff and Sharmers [expat residents] go."
On Sultan Qabous Street, the Bedouin look-alikes will try to lure you into Ali Baba's Authentic Egyptian restaurant.
Ignore them and make for Mr Ali's Gado café. Introduce yourself, and he might tell you about the collection of Egyptian movie star photos that adorn the inside wall.
He's very proud of his café, and so he should be - you can put together a small feast (try the Alexandria Falafel and the Foul) for two that will cost you less than 30 Egyptian pounds (about £3). The garden is very pleasant and the staff are welcoming.
For traditional Egyptian tourist fare, we went to Abou El Sid (above the Hard Rock Café). Its food is neither cheap (by Egyptian standards) nor unreasonably expensive, and while a grazing session at Gado will probably be just as fulfilling, it doesn't have the same ambience and attention to service. The mixed mezze proved to be an intense mix of flavours, textures and colours - a meal in itself.
After two nights of indulging ourselves, something more chilled-out was in order - the Mojo bar at the Iberotel. With its oversized soft white cushions, great view of Na'ama Bay, mellow music and respectable range of cocktails, its claim to have "a licence to chill" seemed fair. It also seemed to be a great spot for seafood, with the lemon sea bass particularly impressing us.
Sadly, I can't recommend it to you as it has closed down since our visit.
Several guidebooks recommend the Pirates Bar at the Hilton, especially for divers. We visited it twice and found it lacking in atmosphere.
When this was a one-bar town, I'm sure it was the place to be, but now the food was nothing out of the ordinary and the décor a bit too 80's.
The Tavern has become one of the main divers' hangouts, with all the trappings of an "expat" haunt: football memorabilia on the walls, big-screen satellite TV and a range of food and beers "from home".
If you're desperate, it even does a roast dinner with all the trimmings. The fillet steak, sliced into small succulent chunks and accompanied by a pepper sauce, was perfect, though the cold chips and the over-cooked vegetables were disappointing.
But the food isn't why you come to the Tavern - it's the place to meet like-minded people and drink beer.
A few of the visitors we met had been told by holiday reps that the Dananeer Seafood & Steakhouse was worth a visit.
When we arrived it was busy and we had to wait for a table, normally a good sign, but we started with a bland and tasteless mezze followed by a main course of salmon in a lemon sauce and a sautéed tournedos with hot mustard sauce.
The salmon was rubbery and coated in something resembling warm lemon Jif, while the steak was covered in a bland mass of pale yellow goo that hid a piece of meat shaped like a steak but tasting nothing like one.
It was so bad, we made an instant decision to get the bill.
At the table next to us, a man sent back his crab with the words: "I can't find anything to eat on it." Our decision to leave was noticed by the manager, who partially redeemed the restaurant by waiving the bill and offering to host us on another night, when he hoped our meal would be to a higher standard.
We decided to sample some traditional British food at the Indian restaurant in the grounds of the Camel Dive Club and Hotel. The tandoori chicken arrived at the table still sizzling and giving off a spicy cloud of steam, and the tandoori chicken masala was a perfect blend of herbs and spices. This is a popular restaurant and for good reason, so you might need to book ahead.
On our last day of diving we met Lee, Robbie, Taryn, Wayne, Ruth and Tim, a group of friends from Australia, South Africa, Devon and London.
Following previous bad experiences in Egypt they had spent the week eating a restricted diet in the hotel restaurant.
Was this necessary? One divemaster told us that he often lost Open Water students due to stomach problems (in a business sense, I hope he meant). But another said that "hygiene has improved a lot over the years - there's been a lot of pressure from the authorities to improve standards and I've noticed a decrease in these sorts of problems."
Despite our hardcore drinking and eating, we'd been fine. We'd spent every waking hour researching what was hot and what was not, and wanted to spend our last night somewhere that was really buzzing. Our choice was the Roof Bar at the famous Camel Dive Club & Hotel.
Before you get to the Roof Bar, you have to go through the Sports Bar ("Be Careful, This Bar May Contain Traces of Nuts" - when you get there, you'll see that it's true). It's noisy and packed out, especially on Fridays and Saturdays.
Up another flight of stairs, the atmosphere changes. The Roof Bar is kitted out in big chairs with chic white cushions and illuminated by the oranges, reds and vanillas of Moroccan lamps. There's a good food menu, ice-cold beers, shisha, an eclectic mix of company and some exceptionally chilled-out music.
The owner of the Camel Dive Club and Hotel discovered his resident DJ Sasha in Moscow and tempted him over to Sharm, where he has won a reputation as a DJ for all moods.
Get your hands on his CD Roof, perfect for when you want to recapture the moment later.
In the crowd we bumped into the group we'd met on the boat that day. They had made it out of the hotel to discover what they described as "one of the coolest places in Na'ama Bay".
The famous Ibiza nightclub Pacha has extended its family to Pacha Sharm, and with a capacity of 3000, it has become the focal point for Middle Eastern party-goers.
To make a night of it, try Mashy, Pacha's Lebanese restaurant, or the Bus Stop restaurant for Italian cuisine.
Where else could you dance under the stars, in a pool and under a waterfall? And if it's all too much, there's always the Bedouin tents pitched on the roof.
And bear in mind "The Cave" party - every Wednesday night at the El Fanar in Ras Umm Sid.
The cave-like interior mixed with a sophisticated blend of laid-back tunes has made this a popular venue for Sharmers (mainly Italians) and visitors.
So you see, you don't have to settle for the Snoopy Disco. Even in the glitz of what Sharm is becoming, you can still find exceptional places to chill out with other divers and like-minded people.
Abou El Sid: Traditional Egyptian food with attention to service, outdoor rooftop area and well-presented indoor area. Great mezze.
Bus Stop: Italian fare with an unusual setting (by a London bus). Top place for people-watching the queue for Pasha.
Camel Dive Club & Hotel: Roof bar is a must visit, with excellent views of the bay, chill-out lounge music and good mezze-type menu, plus dishes from the Pomodoro and Tandoori restaurant. Grab a handful of monkey nuts and make yourself at home in the Sports Bar a floor below. Satellite TV and bags of character make this one of Na'ama Bay's most popular haunts.
China House: On top of the Na'ama Centre, a good range of authentic Chinese food and favoured by Tony Blair!
Gado: Top of Sultan Qabous Street, where locals go for snacks and "Bistro sandwiches". Superb food, great value.
Hard Rock Café: Usual burgers, nachos and pop/rock memorabilia. The bizarre formation dancing by the waiters is worth seeing.
La Fleur: At the Movenpick Jolie Ville Hotel, the best in French cuisine, pricey by Egyptian standards but worth it for a romantic night out.
Mashy: Lebanese cuisine, good mezze.
Pirates Bar: In the grounds of the Hilton Fayrouz, chicken-in-the-basket type bar, great if you want a taste of yesteryear. Divers' night Tuesdays with two beers for the price of one, live music and free nibbles.
Pomodoro: Outdoors on the pedestrian promenade at the Camel Dive Club & Hotel, great for Italian food and people-watching.
Shenanigans: New Irish theme pub in the grounds of the Ocean Bay Hotel. Eighties music, a menu that's getting there and Guinness for homesick Sharmers.
The Tandoori at the Camel Dive Club & Hotel: Indian cuisine prepared in a traditional as opposed to a UK way.
The Tavern: Brit pub popular with Sharmers, offers Sunday roast and draft Sakara!
Sinai Star: Long-time Bedouin-run favourite for seafood in an old market hangar. No menu - it's fish (catch of the day), seafood or a mix of the two served with rice and tahina. Excellent value and a chance to mix with the locals.
Terrazina Beach: Laidback atmosphere, sun-loungers, shisha and great seafood at bar prices. Friday afternoons it's home to a beach party (2pm to sunset).
El Fanar: Great view, superb Italian food. Wednesday is party night.
Mojo Bar: Popular with Hadaba's Sharmers.
Ocean Club Rooftop Bar: Still being built when we visited but shows promise. Won't have the ambience of rooftop bars in Na'ama Bay but may become popular with the divemasters who live in the area and are starting to frequent the poolside bar at the hotel.
Shisha: Although just about every bar and hotel serves shisha, two highly recommended cafes on the pedestrian promenade are the Tche Tche and the El Fishawy coffee shop.
If unsure about local brands, imported wines and beers are widely available, but expensive due to high rates of duty. Avoid any Egyptian wine called Obelisk - the white is like vinegar and the red has a chemical taste. There are some promising local wines, however - the Grande Marquis rosé is a refreshing ripe raspberry gem and the Omar Khayyam cabernet sauvignon a robust red.
Beer? The local Heineken is fine for a quick afternoon cold one, while the Meister and Stella have a reputation for delivering an almighty hangover. In the divemasters' opinion (and ours by the end of the week) the Sakara in a big cold bottle is far the best beer to quench your thirst and prevent a hangover.
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Snorkelling adventure at Ras Umm Sid - a good way to get the non-divers in a party involved in underwater experiences
For between dives or for non-divers, Nader introduces his clients to the art of wakeboarding
Divers pack aboard day-boats - the best way to pass the daylight hours in Sharm
Ice-cream break
For divers on a day off or non-divers, St Catherine's Monastery provides an outing within reasonable distance of Sharm
Sharm by night.
The Ocean Club bar and pool.
No trip is complete without a visit to the Camel Bar.
Na'ama Bay all lit up - how many of you have had a night on the town here?
Sharm el Sheikh is situated where the Red Sea's Gulfs of Suez and Aqaba meet. A peninsula spanning several hundred miles links Africa and Asia, and at the end of that peninsula lies Sharm El Sheikh. Its airport, depending on traffic, is 30-45 minutes' transfer time from Na'ama Bay. It has seen numerous improvements to its structure, but as far as collecting baggage and clearing customs/ immigration is concerned, it's still a bit of a nightmare!
Taxis and minibuses, but agree a price at the start. Don't be afraid to haggle but at times be afraid of the driving. Taxis are barred from the centre of Na'ama Bay, but mini-buses cover from there to Sharm Old Town.
* Anemone Dive Centre: Pigeon's House Hotel
* Aquarius Diving Club: Sheraton Hotel (www.aquarius-redsea.com)
* C Fun Divers: Iberotel Palace Hotel (www.cfundivers.com)
* Camel Dive Club: (www.cameldive.com)
* Emperor Divers: (www.emperordivers.com)
* Mr Diver: Amphoras Resort, Coral Beach Tiran Hotel, Holiday Inn Resort,
* Marriott Resort, Pyramisal Hotel (www.misterdiver.com)
* Oonas Dive Club: (www.oonasdiveclub.com)
* Red Sea Diving College: (www.redseacollege.com)
* Sharks Bay Diving Club: (www.sharksbay.com)
* Sinai Blues: Four Seasons Resort
* Sinai Divers: Conrad Resort, Ghazala Hotel (www.sinaidivers.com)
* Diving Centres Werner Lau: (www.wernerlau.com)
- Diving-related problems: There are two hyperbaric facilities: Sharm El Sheikh Hyperbaric Medical Centre at Sharm El Moya, Travco Jetty; and the International Hospital.
- Hydration: Many visitors still fail to drink enough water in the heat, and suffer. Get into the habit of having a bottle in your hand at all times and take lots of small drinks as opposed to a bottle in one go. Drink only bottled water, and also use it for cleaning your teeth.
- Stomach: Use bacterial wet wipes after handling any coins or bank-notes. Egyptian pharmacies stock a wide variety of medicines, but stock up before leaving the UK. Beware the bits of salad that arrive on your plate and of seafood (we witnessed very dodgy-looking sushi and fish on display). Avoid ice in your drink, and if you can't peel fruit, leave it.
- Sun: A good hat, sunglasses and very strong sun-block are a must. Too many pink Brits seem to think factor 10 is OK; 40-plus is a lot safer.
There are plenty of ATMs and money-changing facilities. At the time of writing the exchange rate is better in Egypt than in the UK, just over LE 10 to the £. Cards are widely accepted. A handful of small Egyptian notes are useful for tipping, from opening a door to putting your luggage on the conveyor belt at the check-in. Don't begrudge the locals their livelihood - it's not worth incurring unpleasantness for the sake of 20p.
Your day's diving done, you may have a wait at the dive centre for the hotel transport and want to sink a drink or two.
Camel Dive Club: Great atmosphere, Bedouin- style awning protects you from the sun, big soft cushions and chill-out music from the resident DJ.
Ocean Club: Only spot that has a pool and pool bar. Chill-out music makes up for lack of architectural ambience. A lot of building work is going on around the centre.
Red Sea College: Beer and snacks - no music and little atmosphere on our visit but we are assured that it's a good place to hang out.
Sinai Divers: Similarly, lots of Germans and unchilled Metallica while we were there, but not typical - a good place for beer-swilling and dive talk.
Aquatic Vibes: www.aquaticvibes.com
Edelweiss Equestrian Centre: Concorde El Salam Hotel, 010 534 0028.
St Catherine's: Ask at your hotel for companies that run excursions.
Mix: Free in most hotels, this publication is essential "what's on" reading for Sharmers and visitors.
www.goredsea.com also has information on what's happening in the area and a useful online lifestyle magazine.
Several luxury hotels allow you to use their pool and other facilities for a small fee (about LE 60). This can change from season to season; call first.
This report was compiled just before the July bombings that killed 63 people. While the Foreign & Commonwealth Office (www.fco.gov.uk) advises that there is still a "high threat from terrorism in Egypt" and goes into detail about the perceived threat, keep this in context - more than half a million Britons visited Egypt in 2004 and the authorities know that they provide a vital source of income.
In terms of crime, you should feel safe in and around Sharm. As one divemaster said: "You rarely hear of any crime, especially in Na'ama Bay, where the streets are extremely well patrolled by uniformed and plain-clothes police officers."
We saw a lot of roadblocks, armed checkpoints, a "ring of steel" around the core of Na'ama Bay and numerous highly visible off-road patrols, even before the incidents. It takes a lot to stop the determined terrorist, but Sharm has bounced back, and the tourism and diving industry has adopted the London approach: "We're not afraid and will carry on with our lives."
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